i will hide you when it gets too much <3

When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
Whenthe space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you

I will stay
Nobody will break you

Trust in me, trust in me
Don't pull away
Trust in me, trust in me
I'm just trying to keep this together
Cause I could do worse and you could do better

Tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you

marianas trench-beside you

my heart is racing

I love the way you stick your tongue out when you're concentrating really hard
mostly because i do the same thing

After everything I must confess. I need you.

Life isn't about finding yourself
it's about creating yourself

I'm gonna love you

And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever go,

its killing me
because every time I look
into your eyes I just want to cry

Smile tho'
your heart is aching,
Smile
Even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You'll get by,
If you
Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through- For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,
Altho' a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

I lost all control and I need you now

somewhere deep inside you'll find her
the little 5 year old girl who can't handle anything
her insecurities know no boundaries
her fears are limitless
her nightmares are endless
her anxiety is unstoppable
her tears pour onto your lap
her sad eyes catch yours

but this isn't a five year old
its a girl who has decided to share her heart with you
she's decided to love you unconditionally
she wants you to know how much you mean to her
she's letting herself open up after all those years
of hiding away
she tells you everything because she trusts you with every part of her
she believes you'll protect her from all her fears
she knows you'll always be there to comfort her
and right now she just wants you to wipe her
tears away and tell her you love her with all your heart just as she loves you

i'd rather go blind then to see you walk away from me now

boy your love is overwhelming
baby i'm hooked on you
and i don't want it to stop




----i had more written but it sounded more like a song i've heard
---Music Moment---
Beyonce-I'd rather go blind(seriously download it)

shes seen her share of devils in this angel town

and on your list of things to do
is : make me fall in love with you

baby i can see your halo i pray it wont fade away

I mean, it sneaks up on you. Right? But one day, you look at your life, and it has purpose, and someone that makes you feel very special, and friends. And it's, like, all of a sudden, all that time and pain that it took to get there, it just . . . doesn't matter anymore.-Peyton Sawyer

losing you is like living in a world with no air

update...
-went back to school Tuesday,
i like the structure it gives me but i also like my sleep :[
-Wednesday i watched Glee which i realize i now love
-Thursday we had a real lockdown at school
which was scary but we survived
- i got my check which i desperately needed
-today i got a phone plan , instead of wasting money
on stupid phone cards
-got pretty blue nailpolish
-and printed off pictures for my picture hanging thing
(it looks somewhat like kathryns for those of you who have seen kathryns room)
umm tonight i plan on filling out some scholarships
so ya i find my posts are getting pretty boring ,
talking about my life and whatnot
i have some ideas floating around in my head for some poetry
i might work on them ;)

----Music Moment----
Glee Cast-No Air
Destinys Child-Say my name ;P

I'd come for you, But only if you told me to

Mariah, I know I haven't been in contact
with you much lately but like I told
you Sunday I'm going to be here for you
I somewhat understand where you are
coming from seeing how I was there too.
Although our likeness stems from different
problems and different people I still understand
how you feel since I've been there. If you ever
need anyone I'm always going to be here for you
and even when you just want to talk about GLEE ;P
I'll be here for that too
You have been a great friend to me, even when I was
way down in my darkest time so let me help you.
I love you Riah
xoxoxo Mikki C

We're chasing stars to lose our shadow

Soooo......
this weekend I hung out with Rachel =)
saw most of the girls *misses Lauren and Beth <3*=)
and got presents =)
and had thanksgiving dinner =)
It was a fantastic weekend.
Saturday Rachel came down around 2pm
We hung out talked,laughed X a million , and just had fun
Then we had our Turkey dinner and Dessert
After that I opened up my gifts I got
-One Tree Hill Season 2 & 5
-Clothes
-A scarf ( beth this should make you happy ;P )
-A purse with Johnny on it
-Plus besides buying me gifts my parents were
being so generous the paid for all the parts I
needed for my car :)
After presents and talkage
Rachel and I played with my brother and sister for a while
Then we went out for coffee with Kath,Cara,Stef and Josie
It was really fun sometimes people got a little out of control
but what can you expect from 6 girls in a contained space on caffeine
Rachel and I came back home and stayed up until about 2am
seeing as we had church the next day
Got up, got ready, went to church
played spoons in Sunday school =)
in church I dident see Riah and I was afraid
I wasent gonna be able to but then she showed up
late haha
and we had a pretty intense hug <3
plus we got to actually have a conversation
it had been a while
Then Rachel and I went to my Nana's house
and did a bunch of random stuff
-played N64
-got chinese
-played DINER DASH
-played scrabble
and watched some tv
Monday she had to leave cause her dad
had to catch a flight to Alberta or else
she would have stayed longer
but other than that it was
pretty much an AMAZING weekend.
The only thing that would have made it better
would be if Lauren and Beth could have made it up
but this means we'll have a lot to look forward to
at Christmas =)
So anywayyyzzz that was my holiday weekend


---Music Moment---
Secondhand Serenade-Stranger
im pretty much loving this band ;)

when it rains, it pours

if you havent noticed i kind of love 'One Tree Hill'

Lucas: And Hansel said to Gretal: Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." This year I lost my way.
Nathan: And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey... is a fate more cruel.
Peyton: The journey lasted eight months. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all.
Brooke: And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.
Mouth: Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.

just sayin'

i might like you better
if we slept together

we gunna run this town tonight

okso
i LOVELOVELOVE my new hair
its delicious
i'm happy it turned out so well
i'm tired
i've been up until two/three/four in the morning
and i dont get up until late but imma still tired
i have to go get Raphael(my car he's a TMNT) inspected
tomorrow
that is all for now

---Music Moment---
Jay-Z, Rihanna, Kanye West- Run this town

feeling changed and
ready for a change
INSPIRED! :)

you just make everything
in my world ok
when im with you
everything makes sense

because i love you , and ive loved you all along

100 million stars I would give to you
No matter what the cost
I'd hold them in my hands
Hold them out to you
Because my love that's what your worth
To me at this very moment
I'd give to you the moon and sun
If I could catch them in my arms
Hold them out for you to make your choice
If it would make you stay another day
These things might sound impossibe
But I would do this task
If it meant we'd remain
In love like this forever

-Fiona Davidson

whats that sound? its my heartbeat; its beating much louder

Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.

-Lucas Scott(One tree hill)

this morning i got in a fight with myself, i have the bruises to prove it

let your love run through me

Music makes everything in my world okay.
Music is my peace
Music is my calm
I am overthrown by love
when I'm singing at the top
of my lungs to a song that
feels like home, a song that I believe
can be called my very own , when you find words
that describe your emotions, situations, or words
that can put a smile on your face.
Because you see
music is my everything.







Secondhand Serenade-A twist in my story

Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence
So please just break the silence

The whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling
I'm feeling inspired
My world just flip turned upside down
It turns around, say what's that sound
It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder
My heart beat, is stronger than ever
I'm feeling so alive, I'm feeling so alive

My whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
That's what you get
When you see your life in someone else's eyes
That's what you get, that's what you get

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
This world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

I don't think I have the strength to let you go

Maybe-Secondhand Serenade

Didn't you want to hear
the sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear
the expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold hard road when you wake up
and I don't think that I
Have the strength to let you go

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered
and I'm here to sing
about the things that mattered
about the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
about the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

And someday, I promise I'll be gone
And someday, I might even sing this song
To you, I might even sing this song, to you
and I was crying alone tonight
and I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So Just come back I'll make it
better than it ever was x2

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
makes me wish that I was never brought into this place
( I want it all, Don't leave right now)
(I'll give you everything)

runaway love, runaway with me

Day 30
I was debating on putting this secret on here.
I thought about it so much, its been on my mind
on my life my entire life pretty much.
I told Lauren, Mariah, Kathryn, and Bethany
at girls night because we were playing truth or dare.
The question was what is your deepest secret.
It took 5 minutes for me to actually tell them
because this was the first time I'd told ANYONE.
And it was probably the hardest thing I've done
but I've decided I will put it on here because
only my closest friends have my blog and
I hope they don't judge me on my past.
I still blame myself for this even happening
-when I was six i was sexually abused by a family member.
None of my family know only the people who read my blog will
ever know this because this is the last time I'm telling anyone.
I just needed to get it out , I mean I've held it in for 10 years and
its my fault. I shouldn't have let him get me alone after the first few times.

I find it so hard to talk to guys because I just don't trust them
and the few guy friends I do have I treasure because I've only
let them because I believe that they won't hurt me. Andrew has
been such an amazing friend to me and always willing to talk
about One tree hill =). I used to talk to Steven a lot and I told
him a lot about how I feel and I heard a lot about how he feels
but I never seem to talk to him anymore. I really don't know
why but I wish we could just talk like we used to.

Music Moment
Ludacris feat. Mary J Blige- Runaway love

little girls depend on things like that

Day 23
I don't like feet

Day 24
My favorite spot in the world
is the beach at Camp Berea

Day 25
The first time I had my ears
pierced was 6 months old.

Day 26
I am really gullible

Day 27
One Tree Hill can make me
happy no matter how I feel.
It is the show of my life =)

Day 28
I love to cook for people.

Day 29
I shake constantly.

Music Moment
Jay Z- DOA (death of autotune)

you make me smile

Day 22
I like to push my limits.
I want to see just how far
I can take something.

---Music Moment---
Uncle Kracker-Smile

keep your hand on the wheel and one on my thigh

Day 21
i can be really superficial
i dont mean to be
but i am

---Music Moment---
Steve Dunston-Slow Road

Day 20

When I get bored I chew on stuff,
like whatever I have in my hand.
Usually plastic wrappers or pens.

---Music Moment---
Taylor Swift-Cold as you { I listen to it every single morning :) }

Day 19

I used to swear all the time,
'twas bad

you told me to call, you said you'd be there

Day 17
I have severe anxiety;
about pretty much everything.
This is why I can't have silence.
It gives me quiet to think.
Which leads to disaster.
Which I have told a few of you about.
Maybe I'll extrapolate later ,,,maybe

Day 18
I never have worn a turtleneck
and I never will.
I hates them ;)


---Music Moment---
Taylor Swift-Cold as You

I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did

So usually Rachel and I talk about stuff that happens during the day, funny things we've seen, or something weird that has happened. But the other night we talked about university, careers, and familys. So basically we talked about everything that we hope to attain in the future. She has changed what she wants to pursue, this got me thinking . Do I have what it takes to become a veterinarian? Is that what I really want out of life? Would I be happier doing something else?
For 5 years all I've wanted to become is a vet, to take care of animals. But now I'm second guessing myself, I don't know if I would be alright to be in control of a living creature, to have all that control in my hands. Then I think well what if I don't even get accepted at UPEI , I know I worry way to much; but this is my life. There are no second chances, every choice you make has a consequence. I don't want to waste my life away. I want to make every moment count, I've spent so much time holding back, afraid of what others would think of me. When really all that mattered is what I know to be true. That the real me needs to shine through no matter the situation. Grade 12 is all about deciding what you want to do after high school, I'm going to trust myself to make the right decision. Rachel has decided to become a teacher(maybe at STU), teaching has always been my back-up plan. The bonus is now Rachel wants to teach as well, so I think I will apply to more than UPEI and hope for the best. During our conversation on life I realized how alike Rachel and I are, it's strange how we want the same things out of life, oh and we've decided that when we have kids we will act as aunts instead of cousins to each others kids. Right now we are trying to figure out where we want to live. Probably something that you shoulden't try and predetermine but it's always nice to have a best friend you want to plan your life with. Well this is getting to be probably my longest blog ever. If you've taken the time to read my rant THANK YOU it means a lot to have people who care about what you say even if it is rant-ish.

---Music Moment---
Keri Hilson ft. Kanye West & Neyo-Knock you down

you thought I would self destruct without you but I'm still here

Day 15
I can only nap when I'm sick.

Day 16
I can't fall asleep with my
bedroom door open.

---Music Moment---
Destinys Child-Survivor

Day 14

I want to be famous
I want people to remember
me when I'm dead.

---Music Moment---
Woodale-Keep driving

if you name him that ; he'll be a serial kille

We were talking about baby names
we like and I said Kiptyn
because I love that name
this is her response:

Rachel-I would ignore my own children
to play with your son Kiptyn,none of the other
ones. Just Him



--She has also agreed to name her son
William Wallace in honor of me

---Music Moment---
Mitchell Musso- Hey
I'm having a disney day :P

Day 13

Whenever I'm sad I listen
to Taylor Swift
i loves her <3

---Music Moment---
It's alright it's ok-Ashley Tisdale

Day 12

When I was in grade 2
i was a bully

we'll pick the slow songs, cause I believe these roads were meant for us

Day 8
I can't stand silence

Day 9
I play with my hair when I'm nervous

Day 10
I like to drive alone at night,
because
there's no one to hold me back

Day 11
I hate talking on the phone

Day 7

I try not to get close with people
because they always end up leaving
at least that has been my experience
i'm still waiting on someone to prove me wrong

i want to feel safe

Day 4
There are two movies in this
world i can guarantee you i will cry
at every time
1) I am Sam
and
2)Beaches

Day 5
okay so this one is tough
-the only friend that i think actually cares
about me is Rachel and sometimes
i dont even think she cares
i mean if everyone else
cared why dont they ever reach out to me
i know im just being overly sensitive
as well as self centered
and the truth is im so insecure
i don't even believe i deserve friends
i don't deserve anyone

Day6
My Dad(step dad) got me
a blanket when I was 7
and I can't sleep without it


---Music Moment---
Five Times August-Up to me

Day 3///// In Maine with Rachel :)

I've always had a crush on Regis Philbin
he just makes me laugh, and I'm a sucker
for a guy who makes me laugh
so yeah
quite embaressing
but there are worse things in my life

---Music Moment---
Taylor Swift-Cold as you

Day 2

My biggest fear is being alone.
All I want is someone to share
everything with and someone who
loves me for everything that I am.

Day 1

there is one band on this planet i
cant stand
U2
they just drive me crazy

how do i begin to stop loving you

so i saw this challenge a couple of months ago,
i've been debating on whether or not i should do it
but i think i will, just because what else do i have to lose

it doesnt really have a name but im calling it
"30 secrets in 30 days"
i'll try and make some of them funny,
some will be hard to tell,
and i'm going to try and tell
you stuff that i don't think anyone else knows

if i miss days i'll catch up eventually,
so ya
hope you enjoy

---music moment---
Anders Johannson-Sunshine
+
Jordin Sparks-Battlefield

let me feel; I dont care if I fall

I miss Steven
he's someone I felt I could share anything with
I just felt happy around him
Even when he was making fun of my driving or my pointless stories
And saying goodbye to him meant letting go of that happiness he had restored
I know I'll still see him
he said he would come back and visit me
and I'm sure I'll make a few trips to Fredericton
since thats where almost everyone is going for school

I thought my summer would be spent
hanging out with everyone
but pretty much all i've done is work
I'm going to Maine in 4days
to spend some time with Rachel
I'm really excited i miss her
it sucks being away from her so much
She's my best friend and I only see her every few months

oh well; thats life i guess

no one is online and I'm really bored
and I miss them
I'm hoping to get one on one days with everyone
before they all go
so whoever ends up reading this
let me know ;)

---music moment ---
can't hate you-brandon paris band

its true that love was all i ever wanted

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
is the face in the mirror looking back at you
you walk around here thinking your not pretty
but that's not true, cause I know you...


hold on, baby you're losing it
the waters high, your jumping into it
and letting go and no one knows
that you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and your tied together with a smile
but your coming undone

I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
cause you've given it away like it's extra change
hoping it will end up in his pocket
but he leaves you out like a penny in the rain

oh, cause it's not his price to pay
not his price to pay...

hold on, baby you're losing it
the waters high, your jumping into it
and letting go and no one knows
that you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and your tied together with a smile
but your coming undone

you're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone...oh woah
goodbye, baby
with a smile, baby, baby.
Oh.

hold on, baby you're losing it
the waters high, your jumping into it
and letting go and no one knows
that you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and your tied together with a smile
but your coming undone

tied together with a smile-taylor swift(possible my favorite artist ever)

im slowdancing on the inside

I saw Rachel last night and a little bit today
And I'm super happy around her
But now I won't be talking to her for two weeks
Since she's going to Camp
But then we get to spend like 4 days straight
with each other =) (if this smile could be bigger it would)
I was hoping she would be able to come over for a week this summer
but work has me pretty well tied up

Steven is back in CC
I'm hoping to see him soon
but he's not on msn
so i can't really make plans
if he reads this he can call me or whatever

kinda stealing this from beth but she loves me so it doesn't matter


music moment---
Bethany Joy Lenz-Halo

is anybody listening

he took my heart and i think he took my soul

why is it so easy for you to hurt me?

when i try so hard to make you happy

why is it so easy for you to give up?

when all i want is to keep trying

why is it so easy for you to say goodbye?

when i struggle with even thinking about saying goodbye

why is it that you cant talk to me anymore?

when the only thing that puts me at peace is talking to you

i just miss you

i'll find a way to you even if it kills me

i dont know why people feel they have to lie to me

just tell me the truth

it feels better than finding out from someone else

how you decieved me

like i give a shit who you talk to or hang out with

just dont lie to me

dancing where the stars go blue

i had a blog written

but it was just another

problem i have

and hey who really

wants to hear all those

anyone ive ever met

just considers it another chore

to listen to me

sorry i cant be the one to take on all your problems

im just not strong enough

they all say youve made it this far

only a little farther to go

the truth is ive lied about all the progress ive made

i really dont think ive gotten anywhere

Ben was here last night

we dident get to talk much

but he's changed a lot

everyone is changing

even me

im not the same girl i used to be

ive never been that girl

i just know how to put on a show

lets see if anyone can figure out the real me

.....game on

no one else will have me like you do

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fuckin' depressed
I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position I'm in
I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow
But I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
Copy
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles

Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that...
I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need fucking man servin'
Tryin to follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like that
Ahh Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles


Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands with doubt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tungue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you where?
I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet

Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone... sOoOoo
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through OoOo
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you sOoOoo Oo Oo

Yea... To my babies. Stay strong. Daddy will be soon
And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes
That fit you, so put em on and wear em
And be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful


beautiful-eminem

i dont care if its for kids im going anyway

if something has fun in its name it obviously has to be fun DUH!

funnel cake

fun town

hmm i guess there are no more

-Rachel

i really do love her

boats and ho's!!! say what?

every now and again

i think to myself

"i can't believe i hugged that guy"




CRISPY CHRIS!!!!

......he was just that creepy

im apoligizing for something im not sure i did

im going to make my bed under the stars tonight
im going to let all the light fill me up
let the crackling fire be my melody

i want to lay here forever
lay here and forget everything

let darkness creep upon me once again
because thats the only place that feels like home

its so easy to give up
i know thats what you want
you want me to forget about how far ive come
you want me to go back to the old me
the one you can control because im too weak for anything else

i dont think i can go back there again
no matter how bad i want to
how easy it would be to lay in your arms again
how easy to let you do everything for me
to make me feel good again

but i dont think i can go back there again

please come back home to me

I drift away to a place
Another kind of life
Take away the pain
I create my paradise

Everything I've held
Has hit the wall
What used to be yours
Isn't yours at all

Falling apart, and all that I'm asking
Is a crime, am I overreacting

Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie

What you had didn't fit
Among the pretty things
But never fear, never fear
I now know where you've been

Braids have been un-tied
Ribbons fall away
Leave the consequence
But my tears you'll taste

Falling apart and all that I question
Is this a dream or is this my lesson

Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie

I don't believe I'll be alright
I don't believe I'll be ok
I don't believe how you throw me away
I do believe you didn't try
I do blame you for every lie
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine

Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie

Oh my permission to sin
You might have started my reckoning
I've got a reason now to bury him alive
Another little white lie

don't let me go, please don't let go

i shut the door
hide my face
and cry
they're not allowed to see my tears
no one is allowed to see my tears
because once i show them
they know that i am weak
they know that i can't even handle
a simple day
i can't handle anything
everyday i come home
lay in my bed
curl up and cry

im sick of self pity
its just not me
i always promised myself i would never
be the depressing one
no matter how bad it hurt i would
paint the smile on

i really can't do this anymore
everyday is a stuggle
and i dont have anyone left
oh yes they say they're still here
but they dont want to be
and its funny how i never see them or talk to them

im alone again
i think it might be better this way

-----you promised you would never
hurt me,,,guess what
you were wrong-----

here comes goodbye,,,,here comes the last time

your love is a lie-simple plan



I fall asleep by the telephone
It's 2 O'clock and I'm waiting up alone
Tell me where have you been?
I found a note with another name
You blow a kiss, but it just don't feel the same
Cause I can feel that you're gone

I can't bite my tongue forever
While you try to play it cool
You can hide behind your stories
But don't take me for a fool

You can tell me that there's nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you're home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know
Your love is just a lie
(Lie)
It's nothing but a lie
(Lie)

You look so innocent
But the guilt in your voice gives you away
Yeah you know what I mean
How does it feel when you kiss when you know that i trust you
And do you think about me when he fucks you?
Could you be more obscene?

So dont try to say you're sorry
Or try to make it right
Don't waste your breath because it's too late, it's too late.

You can tell me that there's nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you're home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know, I know,
Your love is just a lie
(Lie)
It's nothing but a lie
(Lie)
You're nothing but a lie

You can tell me that there's nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you're home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know, I know
Your love is just a lie
(Lie
I know you're nothing but a lie
(Lie)
Lie
(Lie)
Lie
(Lie)
Lie

Your love is just a lie

my lashes are dry,,,purple teardrops i cry

so this a blog about my trip to Fredericton

got up that morning and took mariah home,
then came home and finished packing
i wasn't feeling that great but i've gotton pretty
used to feeling sick
so i just kept on going
my nana showed up and i was still sick we stopped three times before
leaving florenceville
so i asked her to take me home
when we got home i laid on the bathroom floor for about and hour
then i finally said lets go
because i really wanted to go
as soon as we got on the highway
i threw up =(
but then i fell asleep in the backseat
and slept all the way to freddy =)
when we got there i went shopping
i got ---
3 dresses
2 pairs of pants
2 sweaters
3/4 new tops
they're all really awesome :)
then we went to the hotel
went out for supper at brewbakers
came back to the hotel ordered a movie
"Confessions of a Shopaholic"
i wasn't expecting much but it surprised me
it was pretty good

the next day......
got up went out for breakfast
then went to the art gallery
then went to the garrison ale house for lunch

after this we went to be-dazle
its a really high end jewelery shop
the owner trudy gallagher
showed us how they made everything
and then sat us down to make our own set of earrings
she looked at what i created and
said she was amazed
she told me " if someone new to making
this kind of stuff can create something
that amazing in this short period of timing
then i can't imagine what you would do after some
training" she also told me that if
i ever wanted a job to come back there and she would personally
train me to work in her store
AMAZING I KNOW!!!!!!
i was completely blown away!
someone recognized my passion for
creating things
my passion for art
and design

i was so happy after that =)
we went back to the gallery
to talk to the aboriginal speaker
because she was an amazing person
then we went back to the hotel
nana picked up Zane and we came
back home

mj died today
i diden't really like his stuff
but its still sad

i called rachel tonight im gonna go see her tomorrow
after work
i miss her a lot like so much its unbelievable
i also really miss lauren i keep thinking that
shes still here and i can go see her anytime
but then i realize she really is gone

ilove you and miss you both so much <3

it's hard with you not around

==so i've been obsessed with this song since ever ,,,, i love it

i'll be missing you- P.Diddy + Faith Evans


Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hanging on the block for dough
Notorious, they got to know that
Life ain't always what it seem to be
Words can't express what you mean to me
Even though you're gone, we still a team
Through your family, I'll fulfill your dream
In the future, can't wait to see
If you open up the gates for me
Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal
Cant imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life, after death

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
Ill be missing you
Thinking of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
Ill be missing you


Its kinda hard with you not around
Know you in heaven smiling down
Watching us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Till the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts big I just can't define
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks
Making hits, stages they receive you on
I still can't believe you're gone
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living you're life, after death

somebody tell me why



On that morning
When this life is over
I know
Ill see your face



Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
Every night I pray, every step I take
every day that passes
Every move I make, every single day
is a day that I get closer
to seeing you again
Every night I pray, every step I take
we miss you big... and we wont stop
Every move I make, every single day
cause we can't stop... that's right
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day

you got to get out ,,you can't stand to see me shaking

so i went back to the pills tonight
its been a couple months since ive taken them
but it only feels like seeing an old friend
they went down so easy; no struggles here
i took them
right after i argued with Steven

i don't even know what happened
he was just talking about how every girl breaks his heart
i told him i would never break his heart
and he automatically assumes i want more than friendship

no i just mean that i want to be there for you
when every other girl breaks your heart
i'll be there for you
i'll always be that friend that sticks by you

now i dont think he even wants that
i was so angry none of what i said made any sense
im just so confused right now

i dont know why im so sorry
but i just am
i just want to talk to steven without him
being angry at me for what happened tonight
im sorry im doing this again
but where else do i turn to?

i know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends

Happy ever after
Is a concept I'll never believe
in. I would be content to sample
some little taste of happiness
today, tonight, right now, though
I know
without a doubt that tomorrow
will arrive, saturated with pain.
Life is like that. At least
my life. And honestly,
I can't
think of anyone whose life
is any different. The price
tag for joy is misery. I don't
want to go inside but I can't
stay
out here on the grass all night.

~Identical

i got a feeling tonights gonna be a good night

for Steven--------

It's amazing, I'm the reason
Everybody fired up this evening
I'm exhausted, barely breathing
Holding on to what I believe in

No matter what you'll never take that from me
My reign is as far as your eyes can see

It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin'
(Let's go)

I'm a monster, I'm a killer
I know I'm wrong, yeah
I'm a problem that'll never ever be solved

And no matter what you'll never take that from me
My reign is as far as your eyes can see

It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin'
(Let's go)

I'm a monster, I'm a maven
I know this world is changin'
Never gave in, never gave up
I'm the only thing I'm afraid of

No matter what you'll never take that from me
My reign is as far as your eyes can see

It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin'

I'm amazin', yeah, I'm all that
If I ain't on my grind then what you call that?
Victorious, yeah, we warriors
We make history, strive off victory

Standing at my podium
I'm trying watch my sodium
Die high blood pressure
You even let the Feds getcha

I'm amazin', born on the full moon
I was bred to get it in, no spoon
That's why I'm so goose, summer time, no juice
Big family, small house, no rooms

They like, oh God, why you go so hard?
Look what he's been through
He deserves an applause

So amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'
It's amazin'

we avoid the topics .. we make the kids have secrets

i cant even write anymore
my passion is my poetry
my poetry is my release
how do i release now

they keep asking me whats wrong
i dont eat, i dont sleep, i dont feel anymore
at least i try and pretend not to feel

i feel like im losing everything
my words were all i had left
and they are slowly slipping away

im not going to church tomorrow
i think God hates me i never go anymore
i try and pretend im perfect pretend like
im the perfect little christian im not
im so far from it i just wish i could go back

go back and take everything back
everything ive done
all those things i said
whats wrong with me
im typing my feelings on a blog
im the perfect picture of teen angst

trying not to feel the pain

Let me know that I've done wrong,
When I've known this all along,
I go around a time or two,
Just to waste my time with you.

Tell me all that you've thrown away,
Find out games you don't wanna play,
You are the only one that needs to know--

I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
Don't tell anyone or you`ll be just another regret,
My dirty little secret,
Who has to know?

When we live such fragile lives,
It's the best way we survive,
I go around a time or two,
Just to waste my time with you,

Tell me all that you've thrown away,
find out games you don't wanna play,
you are the only one that needs to know---

I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret,
My dirty little secret.

Who has to know?
The way she feels inside
Those thoughts I can't deny
These sleeping thoughts won't lie
And now I try to lie
It's eating me apart
Trace this life back!

I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret.



I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret,
My dirty little secret,
Dirty little secret,
Dirty little secret.





Who has to know?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth

Somewhere in the world now
You're getting out of bed
You're standing on your own feet
To shake your sleeping head

If you win you take the credit
If you lose you take the blame
No one knows where you are
And they never will again

I can still remember the day you up and left
I swear it was a moment I never will forget
You said you'd take no prisoners
But thats just what you did
You took my heart captive
Hope you know that you are missed

Welcome to your lies
Welcome to goodbye
You see the big world
Through small town eyes
Welcome to the point
The point of no return
Let the past ignite and memories burn
I say
Welcome to wherever you are

I can see you in the doorway
With the daylight flooding in
It must have hid your secrets
I know more than I did then

Looking back I should have noticed
There's a longing in your eyes
And underneath the surface
Theres a truth you could not hide

All the time we spend together
Every night we stayed up late
All the looks that I forgotten
And the plans we never made

Do you ever wonder
About everything you left
Do you question your decisions
Do you ever second guess

Welcome to your lies
Welcome to goodbye
You see the big world
Through small town eyes
Welcome to the point
The point of no return
Let the past ignite and memories burn
I say
Welcome to wherever you are

You are
You are
Wherever you
Are

Welcome to your lies
Welcome to goodbye
You see the big world
Through small town eyes
Welcome to the point
The point of no return
Let the past ignite and memories burn
I say
Say

Welcome to your lies
Welcome to goodbye
You see the big world
Through small town eyes
Welcome to the point
The point of no return
Let the past ignite and memories burn
I say
Say
Welcome to wherever you are

let the rain wash away my yesterday

the rain pours down washing the sun away
i wish it could wash everything away
wash away my fears, pains, and heartache
this rain gives me too much time
to sit here and think
i don't want to think about all the wrong things ive done,
about every wrong path ive decided to walk down,
of all this love i've too freely given away

but some memories just can't be forgotten
and all the good times are too easily forgotton
i want to remember all the good times
i shared with you but all i remember are
the horrible things you did to me
and the torture you put me through

im not ready to forgive
and i promise you i will never forgot

i wont be sleeping tonight

crying myself to sleep tonight
because i want so bad to help him
and he just left
im so scared and all i can do is cry
why cant i just be strong?
why is my heart breaking?
i wish he was on then at least i would know
that he's ok

i'll be missing you

i let him in
it was so hard
i dident want him to know all the secrets
but it felt good for him to know the truth
now im just waiting for him to leave
i know i should be just enjoying everyday talking to him
but im always afraid he'll leave that he just wont want
to deal with me anymore wont want to talk to me anymore
my history is that once i find someone i think i can talk to
think i can relate to they just leave with not even a goodbye

my relationships with guys really arent the greatest
and ive told him a lot maybe too much
why do i trust him so much?
should i be scared with all the information i've given him
but i'm not scared i do trust him and thats probably the scariest
part besides my dad(step-dad) he's the only guy ive let in

just please dont hurt me i really do believe in you

those walls i built , baby they're tumbling down

wishing everything was just like the movies
just like perfection
crying out
and then my prince steps in and saves the day
my prince takes all the troubles of this world away
wrapped in his arms and he knows just what to say

he knows what i need to hear, he knows how i can't
feel but says here anyway because he knows someday
i will be okay
someday i will be able to love him just as much as he loves me
i will be able to tell him all the things he told me
cradle him in my arms and promise everything will be okay

and as my emotion pours out ink onto blank paper
i glance back up at the door hoping he's going to burst through
and rescue me from all the monsters of this world

but this isn't the movies
this will never be perfection
all thats left is the love i have for him
and my love isn't perfect but its all i have left

if i got down on my knees and i told you i was yours forever would you bend down to take my hand?

the last time i slept was lying in
your arms but i can't forget what happened
you promised you'd be there and when i came
running you had disappeared
lying in the cold and darkness
reaching out for you only to realize
you aren't here and that you'll
never come again
i wish i could fix everything
that you broke in me but it's to hard
trying to put all the pieces back together
im in a million pieces
im pulled in every direction
and your not here to tell me what to do
your not here to tell me where to go
the things i would do to be in your
arms again...

to think i might not see those eyes makes it so hard not to cry

being left alone
is the thing im most afraid of
and at this moment all i fell is
abandonment
why is it that i feel like they're trying to get rid of me?
are they trying to get rid of me like they did the others?
am i becoming the girl they just can't stand?
are these feeling of being avoided real?
i pray that im not that person
finally i found people that i feel like i belong with
but everyday i feel as though im being pushed away more
are those looks im getting disapproving?
or is everything just in my head?
i dont know what to think anymore
and the only thing i feel is confusion
please someone tell me whats going on...

i dont believe you when you say you dont love me anymore

and you'll be my little secret
just as long as you promise
to lie next to me forever
and take away this pain

when you're next to me
nothing else matters
i don't hurt anymore
when you tell me this
is forever and promise
me that you'll
never leave me alone

i hear forever from
your lips but your eyes
tell me that im only a joke
i just want to believe that
you will always be here
to love me and hold me
in your arms

please just say once more everything is ok

no more goodbyes

saying goodbye doesnt seem right
for everyone leaving i will see you soon
im not going to forget you
because you arent leaving for good
i will remember all the times we were together
because you will be right alongside me reminding me
of all of our great adventures
you wont be as close to me physically
but you will forever
remain in my heart

this isn't goodbye this is just the beginning
i love you all so much

light on as if you have a choice

everyone is doing dedications so i guess its my turn
plus steven is making me write a blog so here it goes
ps these are in no paticular order

Rachel-We have been best friends since the beginning of
time I know how hard it has been moving so many times
especially leaving me <3 but im glad we stayed best
friends through it all i miss you so much now that you
live 2 and 1/2 hours away but at least you're closer
than you were before
i can't believe how much you've grown, you used to be
really quiet and shy but you've opened up so much
i miss you unbelievably but every time i call you never
fail to put a smile on my face
there are too many memories to write on a blog
and some are too personal but i want you to
know i probably wouldent be here without you
you have stuck by me through everything
and i know we'll be friends forever
and not in the cliche hallmark way
but true best friends
our song--- i want it that way-backstreet boys (L)
well you know me i cant put just one
-----hallelujah-leonard cohen

Mariah-you were my first friend out of the broad group we
now have, for a while we really dident talk and it felt like
we were both going in completely different directions i
dont know how but somehow we met up again and nothing
can pull us apart now i know how hard its going to be to let you
go you're the one i always run to and you've always helped me
up when ive been down, around you im just me and im not afraid
to show it you are amazing and i love you always
the most recent memoir
"hey mikala that remote looks good in your mouth!"-riah
"not as good as ......."-me
well you know the rest of that ;P
song--------freakin you-the jungle brothers

Lauren- well well my dear its hard to even think that you will
be leaving so soon i dont want to think about it
you are truly an amazing girl with so much to offer this world you are going
to be going on to bigger and better things but i hope you let me remain
a part of your life i dont even remember how we got so close but
im glad we did ....you are always there to listen to me rant about
my horrible art projects and you always cheer me up by saying they're
amazing,, i will always be there for you no matter what
i am going to miss you so soo soo much you have to come visit me
all the time and call me too love you lots dear
i think you and i should get married but you'd be
number one on my list not number 33
song--love games-lady gaga(just cuz 'i want to take a ride on your disco stick')
--------2am-jude harrison

Steven-You are truly one of the most amazing guys I have ever met
you are so caring you came around at a time when i needed you
the most, i know we dont know each other a lot but you mean so
much to me and i only want to get closer with you
summer will leave room for many more memories and plenty of laughs
dont ever forget how amazing you are and im always here
to remind you how great you are :)
song-------once you read this we'll have to come up with our song

Kathryn-I know it doesnt feel like it but you are really strong
I'm glad im able to be here for you it helps to have someone who
knows exactly what you're going through
it may not seem like it but you are going to get through this
and yes it does take time im going on 3 years but everyday is
getting easier i just refuse to feel like i did i find something
to be happy about no it wont fix everything but it helps
me through the day im always here no matter what
when it feels theres no where else to turn im waiting with open arms
song------iris-goo goo dolls (because i do understand(L))

Bethany-aww sweet innocent bethany always there to listen
ive only seen you angry twice in our entire friendship
you are a really great girl and you are so talented
whatever you do in life i hope we stay in touch
because i know you are going to be famous someday
song------hot n' cold-katy perry

Andrew-we've shared many memories i remember
the first time mariah introduced me to you and i had
a crush on you haha good times good times
somedays it feels like we're really far apart compared to
how close we used to be and i miss you but since i cant seem
to get rid of you i guess we'll have to be friends forever jk
buddy you're great
song-------pretty much anything by the Jonas Brothers

Cara-what can i say we've grown apart i feel bad ya
but i never felt i could tell you anything because i dident
know how you would react but the times we did share were
great like that time you almost killed me driving in woodstock
and then i had to pay for your gas because you dident have any
money on you i still want that $20 just joking i know i'll never get
it back i know once you get to university you'll be better you'll find
friends who can be there for you i just diden't know how

Stefanie-hmm stefie stefie its obvious we aren't talking much
anymore i feel bad but im glad you're doing better now being so
close with Mike no im not abandoning you i promised i would never
do that and i dont break promises i'm just trying to learn how to let
go no i dont hate you no you dident do anything wrong and yes we are
still friends and yes i still want to talk to you we just arent as close
anymore but your life is only getting better
things are starting to turn around for you stef it will get better

if i said i was truly over you my heart would say amen

im not giving in
im trying so hard not to give up
the makeup cant cover up the
sleepless nights
all my nightmares
all my worries
all my fears
all my pain
all my lies

i was doing better
or were my lies becoming so good even i believed them

i was happy
i felt good
i was smiling and it wasnt a lie
i was laughing
and it dident sting my heart everytime i said i was ok

i feel like im suffocating in my own pit of despair
i hate this
i hate how i feel
i hate how everytime im happy something destroys it
i hate everything
the one that could make me smile is now spreading that
smile on someone elses face

i feel like im in a million pieces begging
for someone to piece me back together
i really need to stop waiting on him
i know too well he's not coming
not now that he's found her

i'm trying i really am

i do try really hard to be ok
do you really think i want to feel this way
it hurts when they push you away because of the way you feel
i had a good day this week a really good day
i was happy someone actually took the time to care about how i feel
they asked me how my day was and wanted to hear the answer
it made me feel so good that i just wasnt another person in that room

but now im back to the lonely, insecure me
back to not feeling ok
back to someone who isnt me
but yet is the only me ive seen in a long time

i know we're not a group anymore and we won't be
as strange as it seems i dont care anymore
im friends with all of them well i think i am
i love them all very much but im sick of begging them
to spend time with me
sick of begging for them to come to me
sick of begging for them to just talk to me
just let me in, yes some of them have opened up
but very little
i honestly dont care anymore
i really want to but everyday im pushed away more
maybe im just trying to convince myself i dont care
but inside i just want them close beside

im not telling anyone else any of my problems
they cant handle them its ok i understand
ive held it in this long
im pretty sure i can keep it in
i think ive become quite good at covering it up

if you dont want to hear how i actually feel dont read this blog
if you dont like hearing that ya there are problems then dont even think
about bringing this up because this is my release this is where i dont care
what people think i dont care what they say
if you cant handle the truth dont come on this

btw i absolutley love this song its getting me through a lot right now

Swim-Jack Mannequin

You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
Swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers your friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim to brighter days
Despite of the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

anything can set it off its like a domino effect
it started in art today then physics took its cut
but noon hour landed the biggest blow
i cant deal with it
how do they expect me to hold it all together
they dont even notice me
no one ever notices me
im just the quiet girl
shes quiet because shes shy

no im quiet because im afraid if i talk i'll let it all out
afraid to let them know how i feel afraid to let him know i love him
that i want him but he isnt interested he doesnt have a clue
i bet he loved her why wouldent he shes beautiful and amazing but i wish
that for once in my life the guy would choose me

she let me in today im glad i love her with all my heart and couldnt stand to lose her
i hope she always remembers im here
i know what its like more than anyone else

and im staying lying in this bed cause if i step outside that door all i face is pain
inside these four walls they cant hurt me
not anymore

I'm Ice

I do have friends but they don't know me,
only someone i've created to take my place.
Someone sculpted from ice.
I keep the melted me bottled up inside.
Where no one can touch her,until.unbidden, she comes pouring out.
she puddles then upon fear trodden ground.
I am always afraid,

-Identical

So I havent blogged in a while I dont know why I just dont want to do anything anymore
theres this guy I really like him no one knows about him they may think they know but they most certinly do not I might tell them its just I wish I could be over him but he keeps coming back and haunting my dreams that is when I actually sleep...

Girls Night

Ri-I'm so glad you were there i know everyone needed your strength and your words of wisdom to guide the night

Just know that you dont always have to be strong im here for you whenever your down
whenever you need someone to lean on you can ALWAYS count on me

BB-i'm really worried doll i love you to much to see this happen

im glad you came to support me but im even happier you stayed and supported everyone else

no matter what mentality you have we;re never gonna leave

kath- i really wished you would have told us more while i was there i know you are having a really hard time right now and i want to be there for you please let me in i will always love you
and when it seems impossible to live call me come see me talk to me i dont know how i could live without you

LMP- boy i think everyone knows i loves me some LP
darling anytime you need to talk im there
anytime you need to cry im there
anytime you need anything im there
guys are difficult but im always there to support you

Cara-i know you go through a lot and we've gotton closer but always know im here to listen and i love you very much

Beth-your problems are never too small for my ears im always here to listen
i love you dear

Josie-im so glad you decided to come we wouldent be complete without you i know theres a lot going on with you and i know especially how hard it is to let it all out but im glad you opened up and were there for each one of us

I'm really glad i decided to let everyone in im glad i dont have to hide my tears anymore thanks for being there everyone im sorry i had to leave early i just get really sick like you all know now
thanks LP for driving me home i can always count on you dearie

i really do love each and everyone of you more than you can imagine i dont know what i would do without you

i know ive made a lot of mistakes but you see past them and love the me that is in there somewhere

peace out <3

and what do they expect me to do

i cant function anymore

i try so hard but its not worth it anymore

tired and broken

sick and lonely

is there anything that could be happy for me

my heart screams at me

how could you fall for him?

how could you do this to yourself again?

how could you even think he wanted you?

you're not worth fixing

you're just another thing people have to worry about

you know they dont trust you anymore

how could they?

youve told them too much

oh well there are still more secrets hidden very deep inside

but these ones i'll never tell

these are the ones i cant tell

i judge those who lie but everyday i lie

i wish they could see through the lies

i really do want them to know and they will soon enough

when hopefully its not too late...

escape

stuck in reverse

looking for any way out

any possible way to get away from it all

i dont want to think

i dont want to feel

i dont want anything

but an escape

escape to another life where normality overthrows my desperation

at least a life where i dont have to pretend everythings ok

a life where i dont have to hide everything i am

a life where people see that im not invincible

a life where im me and not some perfect character ive created

i am a lost cause

you can't help me

i'll never be fixed

i just want him

i want him to save me

am i worth it

do i deserve him

my heart tells me no

his hands around me tells me yes

i wish he could love me the way i do him

i wish he knew

but he'll never know

cuz i'll never tell

and all that remains is the fantasy of him with me

i lay my weary head down

sleep is what i pray for

yet i lay awake listening to this song

i sing along like these words were written by me

i sing like the louder i sing the more the pain will disappear

i sing with everything thats inside

but what do i do when nothing is left

what do i do when my body cant fight any longer

what do i do when people start to see my oh so perfect mask
start to break away

all thats left is the same song playing in the background
and my weary body struggling to survive just one more day

and i'm slowly breaking down
i cant fight it anymore

they have no idea how hard it is
if they could only understand

maybe it would help if i told them
but i dont want them to know

decisions to make
a million promises that i'll break

and all thats left are the many lies i've told
but all the rest of the world see's is a girl thats fine on her own

do they see i'm broken?
do they know that i'll never be fixed?
'cause fixing myself would mean giving up the one thing that takes the pain away

4 days without and 4 days struggling to live

i wish they knew so maybe they could help but
i fear that they'll all leave me alone never to be thought of again

fear one thing i could do without
now i'm breaking faster than ever