i'm trying i really am

i do try really hard to be ok
do you really think i want to feel this way
it hurts when they push you away because of the way you feel
i had a good day this week a really good day
i was happy someone actually took the time to care about how i feel
they asked me how my day was and wanted to hear the answer
it made me feel so good that i just wasnt another person in that room

but now im back to the lonely, insecure me
back to not feeling ok
back to someone who isnt me
but yet is the only me ive seen in a long time

i know we're not a group anymore and we won't be
as strange as it seems i dont care anymore
im friends with all of them well i think i am
i love them all very much but im sick of begging them
to spend time with me
sick of begging for them to come to me
sick of begging for them to just talk to me
just let me in, yes some of them have opened up
but very little
i honestly dont care anymore
i really want to but everyday im pushed away more
maybe im just trying to convince myself i dont care
but inside i just want them close beside

im not telling anyone else any of my problems
they cant handle them its ok i understand
ive held it in this long
im pretty sure i can keep it in
i think ive become quite good at covering it up

if you dont want to hear how i actually feel dont read this blog
if you dont like hearing that ya there are problems then dont even think
about bringing this up because this is my release this is where i dont care
what people think i dont care what they say
if you cant handle the truth dont come on this

btw i absolutley love this song its getting me through a lot right now

Swim-Jack Mannequin

You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
Swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers your friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim to brighter days
Despite of the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim