and what do they expect me to do

i cant function anymore

i try so hard but its not worth it anymore

tired and broken

sick and lonely

is there anything that could be happy for me

my heart screams at me

how could you fall for him?

how could you do this to yourself again?

how could you even think he wanted you?

you're not worth fixing

you're just another thing people have to worry about

you know they dont trust you anymore

how could they?

youve told them too much

oh well there are still more secrets hidden very deep inside

but these ones i'll never tell

these are the ones i cant tell

i judge those who lie but everyday i lie

i wish they could see through the lies

i really do want them to know and they will soon enough

when hopefully its not too late...

escape

stuck in reverse

looking for any way out

any possible way to get away from it all

i dont want to think

i dont want to feel

i dont want anything

but an escape

escape to another life where normality overthrows my desperation

at least a life where i dont have to pretend everythings ok

a life where i dont have to hide everything i am

a life where people see that im not invincible

a life where im me and not some perfect character ive created

i am a lost cause

you can't help me

i'll never be fixed

i just want him

i want him to save me

am i worth it

do i deserve him

my heart tells me no

his hands around me tells me yes

i wish he could love me the way i do him

i wish he knew

but he'll never know

cuz i'll never tell

and all that remains is the fantasy of him with me

i lay my weary head down

sleep is what i pray for

yet i lay awake listening to this song

i sing along like these words were written by me

i sing like the louder i sing the more the pain will disappear

i sing with everything thats inside

but what do i do when nothing is left

what do i do when my body cant fight any longer

what do i do when people start to see my oh so perfect mask
start to break away

all thats left is the same song playing in the background
and my weary body struggling to survive just one more day

and i'm slowly breaking down
i cant fight it anymore

they have no idea how hard it is
if they could only understand

maybe it would help if i told them
but i dont want them to know

decisions to make
a million promises that i'll break

and all thats left are the many lies i've told
but all the rest of the world see's is a girl thats fine on her own

do they see i'm broken?
do they know that i'll never be fixed?
'cause fixing myself would mean giving up the one thing that takes the pain away

4 days without and 4 days struggling to live

i wish they knew so maybe they could help but
i fear that they'll all leave me alone never to be thought of again

fear one thing i could do without
now i'm breaking faster than ever

New blog

so i'm a new blogger but i hear its amazing so why not try it
really bored today
should be doing physics but its just really overwhelming
i guess im just overwhelmed by everything lately
dance last thursday was amazing at least for me it was

i felt special
i havent felt like that in so long
i was happy
and i havent felt like that in an extremely long time

maybe things will turn around
but why should i expect them to

leaving for now i'll blog more later