runaway love, runaway with me

Day 30
I was debating on putting this secret on here.
I thought about it so much, its been on my mind
on my life my entire life pretty much.
I told Lauren, Mariah, Kathryn, and Bethany
at girls night because we were playing truth or dare.
The question was what is your deepest secret.
It took 5 minutes for me to actually tell them
because this was the first time I'd told ANYONE.
And it was probably the hardest thing I've done
but I've decided I will put it on here because
only my closest friends have my blog and
I hope they don't judge me on my past.
I still blame myself for this even happening
-when I was six i was sexually abused by a family member.
None of my family know only the people who read my blog will
ever know this because this is the last time I'm telling anyone.
I just needed to get it out , I mean I've held it in for 10 years and
its my fault. I shouldn't have let him get me alone after the first few times.

I find it so hard to talk to guys because I just don't trust them
and the few guy friends I do have I treasure because I've only
let them because I believe that they won't hurt me. Andrew has
been such an amazing friend to me and always willing to talk
about One tree hill =). I used to talk to Steven a lot and I told
him a lot about how I feel and I heard a lot about how he feels
but I never seem to talk to him anymore. I really don't know
why but I wish we could just talk like we used to.

Music Moment
Ludacris feat. Mary J Blige- Runaway love